I’ve been meaning to write this post for months, and haven’t made the time to do so (side note: I’m in constant awe of people who blog on a daily basis). As I’ve said before, once I got through surgery and chemotherapy, writing about cancer and my “process” started to feel more difficult. At any rate…

In July I went in for my standard annual tests: bloodwork, CT, and MRI, and then I had my annual follow up with my oncologist. It was pretty routine. The difference this year was the timing. This summer marked 5 years since my surgery. So, this was… “it”.

You see, for a “routine” cancer like mine, after 5 years, the doctors consider you cured. I’m sure insurance companies consider you to be an increased risk, but the statistical risk of recurrence drops dramatically after 5 years.

So, when I met with my oncologist, she reviewed my tests and scans with me, telling me that everything looked normal – nothing had changed since last year. Then, she said, “Well, that’s it. You don’t need to come and see me again.”

She went on to tell me that I could come and see her once a year if I wanted (and that a lot of patients chose to do so), that my primary care doctor could certainly monitor blood levels as well as she could, but given her specialty and focus on cancer she might be more attuned to something (even something I said/described) vs. my primary care doc. But, ultimately, it was my decision, and it would be absolutely okay if I didn’t come see her again.

And that’s… weird. I knew this was coming, but it was still strange. Cancer, even the sort of very treatable cancer that I had, is such a huge thing. There was a good year of my life where it was part of everything I did and thought about. And after that, it was still top of mind for another year or two when I was going in for tests and follow up every few months. And now, it’s just… a thing that happened once.

I’m thrilled that I made it to this milestone, and I hope that I never have to deal with cancer again. And I’m not trying to be melodramatic, it’s just hard to know exactly how to feel about this. I called this blog “my journey from cancer to just fine”, and so I guess at this point, I’m fine. That’s the weird part, that it’s all so simple and normal feeling. And I suppose that’s a good thing. There’s no balloons that fall from the ceiling, no marching band. Things have just gotten back to normal. And now, hopefully, they stay that way.

I still haven’t decided if I’m going to go back and see my oncologist next summer. There’s a big part of me that doesn’t want to, that just wants to move on from this being a part of my life. And the other part of me says, why not, it’s once a year and it can’t hurt. Either way, I’m sure it’ll be just fine.